From the category archives:

FAIL

The Terror of Green Energy

April 4, 2009

Our mate Ken lives in the same suburb as Adam and I, so we always get any advance warning if door-to-door salesmen are hitting the local area. They always seem to hit his end of town first, so he’s always quick to send us a warning of utility contract vampires on the prowl. Warnings are [...]

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Marketers, The Dictionary is not your Random Flavour Generator

March 4, 2009

There’s an increasing marketing habit I’ve observed with food advertising in recent times, and I have something to say. Corporations, take note: places are not flavours. For example, what the hell am I supposed to assume “southwest sauce” is before Subway slop it all over my miserable, wrinkled sandwich? The gritty, earthy taste of Arizonian [...]

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The Truth About Xavier Rudd

February 11, 2009

It’s interesting to see how Xavier Rudd has grown in popularity over the years. Deliriously independent, socially conscious, so goddamn acoustic he makes Jack Johnson seem like Kerry King by comparison; everyone certainly seems to have warmed to him and his ways. All of which is utterly alien to me, because XAVIER RUDD USED TO [...]

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Prepare for Ricky Martin to Confuse/Terrify You Even Further

February 7, 2009

Adam has this wincingly bad method of attempting to obscure any lapses in his vocabulary, by hastily inventing new terminology. Most commonly in these situations, he’s smashed and can barely get a sentence out anyway. This summer he’s drawlingly requested that I turn on the “electric wind” (fan). This is a seasonal appearance, obviously – [...]

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Dear Authors of Any Gay Fiction

February 5, 2009

This evening, I witnessed some excrutiatingly bad/unintentionally hilarious gay local theatre as part of Melbourne’s Midsumma festival. There was a giveaway that we were attending gay theatre – the production company thoughtfully left packs of lube and condoms on the seats as we entered. Classy! Right from the start, this had me concerned about what [...]

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Hall of Helmets

January 25, 2009

Unlike the careers of anyone who appeared in Scandal’us, I’m not dead! We were in the process of moving house, so I was sans internet for a while. Adam organised the removals process while I was at work this week, so he began unpacking and orchestrating a redefinition of what can reasonably be hung on [...]

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Why the Famous Five Will Eventually Prevent Me From Being Stabbed in the Face

December 4, 2008

As a child, I was forced to endure a relentless stream of Enid Blyton novels from my parents. I’m sure it at least played a minor role in my eventual homo-ization. Of course, most of the books I read were the painfully twee Famous Five series. If you’ve read these books, you’ll know there is [...]

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There’s Always One Satanic Bad Egg

November 24, 2008

It’s with great trepidation that I write any blog entry revolving around the word “egg”. Inevitably, Adam will peer over my shoulder and then we’ll be egg-converting words all evening to, frankly, what results in very little hilarity. It’s an egg-scruitating egg-sercise in seeing who can egg-ceed the other’s ability to egg up the most [...]

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Sausage Fizzle

April 12, 2006

Working from home, while an enticing concept, is effecting me strangely. At first I was worried I was beginning to hate the whole no-human-contact hermit idea, but… like a mate of mine said, it’s actually enticing me to get out and about a lot more. Even just walking to the shops this afternoon after work, [...]

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Slurpless

April 4, 2006

The washing machine in our new place lasted one rumbly week before it began barking out sputtering explosions whenever the spin cycle commenced. Thankfully, our landlord has weathered callouses on his thumbs from twiddling them for days on end, so ten days later we’re still without a working washing machine. This made the decision to [...]

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