From the category archives:

Music and gigs

If You’re a Journalist Suffering ADHD, I’ve Got a Magazine Who Wants to Employ You

May 25, 2009

For many years now, I’ve subscribed to Kerrang! magazine. If you’re unfamiliar with the subject matter, it was recently described as “the metal equivalent of a teenage gossip magazine” by the host of my favourite music podcast. He’s bang on the money. There’s been a few things that’ve started bugging me about the magazine in [...]

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There’s a Bloody Good Reason Why CDs were Limited to 74 Minutes in Length

May 16, 2009

Now that MP3 downloads are about to supersede CDs completely, there’s an unexpected threat on the horizon. To date, artists have been forced to limit their albums to 74 minutes or less, to fit within the maximum length of a CD. Albums in MP3 format terrifyingly remove this time restriction. Did you think the recent [...]

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Trapdance

April 26, 2009

My boyfriend has recently been inflicting an abhorrent form of mental warfare. Whenever he’s doing his absolute best to shit me, out comes this slow rumble: “Heads… shoulders… knees and toes…. knees… and… toes….” That’s all it takes for the goddamn song to be stuck in my head all day. Just like any good torturer [...]

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Music Genres That Homos Should Claim As Their Own, IMMEDIATELY

April 2, 2009

The world’s current financial regurgitation has caused me to notice that everyone’s too bloody distracted to pay attention to whimisical matters at present. So, I’ve been concocting a plan. For too long, us gay folk have only lorded over the kind of dance music that perms hair through audio power alone. Disco is also a [...]

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Biffy Stalko

March 25, 2009

Last night I was lucky enough to see my favourite band, Biffy Clyro. They’re Scottish and still building a fanbase here in Australia, so I was extremely excited – it’s only their second tour here. Of course, the first tour they ever had in Australia last year – well, I went a little overboard with [...]

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The World Wide Jeb Guide to Soundwave 2009… and Related Dessert Treats

February 16, 2009

The entire spectrum of every American emo band EVER barging into Australia simultaneously can only mean one thing. No, it’s not a sudden outbreak of perplexed xenophobia from Bruce Ruxton (although a collective of emo bands’ ghostly and sudden appearance in the country will no doubt provoke this). No, nothing like that – the Soundwave [...]

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Come Out and Decay

February 8, 2009

I’ve just realised that the Offspring have not inflicted a single on us in recent years featuring any of the following: a sample which incenses you to merge your forehead with any nearby cupboard some sort of plinky keyboard hook lifted directly from Andrew W.K. infantile lyrics which should almost certainly not be sung by [...]

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Prepare for Ricky Martin to Confuse/Terrify You Even Further

February 7, 2009

Adam has this wincingly bad method of attempting to obscure any lapses in his vocabulary, by hastily inventing new terminology. Most commonly in these situations, he’s smashed and can barely get a sentence out anyway. This summer he’s drawlingly requested that I turn on the “electric wind” (fan). This is a seasonal appearance, obviously – [...]

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‘Tis the Season To Be Terrified

December 13, 2008

Curses! I’ve normally completed all of my dreary Christmas shopping in November, but seem to have dropped the ball this year. At the risk of my mental coherence, I’m about to plunge headlong into Melbourne’s major shopping area less than two weeks before Christmas. Considering how bonkers things can get in major department stores at [...]

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Drunken Summaries

November 22, 2008

Everyone’s had those moments where their partner arrives home, more than a little tipsy, and mumbles that they’ve accomplished some sort of drunken superhero act. In the past, Adam has arrived home with these delightful summaries of his evening for me: • “I’ve just called my boss a bitch in front of all 250 staff!” [...]

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