From the category archives:

Really old posts

Vagrant’s To-Do List

June 16, 2001

• Wake underneath bridge. Don tracksuit pants, ensuring minimum two inches of butt cleavage is visible. • Navigate to major train station. Lie on pavement and pretend you’re just waking up. Yell at small children. • Rant and rave about the Bible today? Nah, did that last two days. • Open dictionary up to random [...]

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Public Transport Romance

June 11, 2001

Enduring the daily commute to work via train sometimes has its unusual perks. Note that such events as haggard homeless men vomiting and sly-looking skinny men with hollowed-out eyes eyeing you up and down no longer register as interesting incidents after your fifth train trip in Sydney. During a particularly packed train commute which required [...]

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We Are Feeling Neglected – By the Gladiators Atlaspheres

June 11, 2001

We are a dying breed. We were the stars. We were the mighty. Once integral stars of the gargantuan spectacular that was Gladiators, we are now slowly but surely being forced into extinction. Oh, you can tell us that Atlaspheres are no longer required in the entertainment industry, but we know better. We are surely [...]

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Introducing the 1st Annual ZGeek vs. World Wide Jeb Celebrity Harassment Challenge

June 8, 2001

I work with two of the guys who run ZGeek, and it seems Pirate has received an interesting email from Fred Nile. While I think this is damn funny, I’m secretly jealous. Well… incredibly jealous. See, I think I’m far more deserving of an angry email from Australia’s favourite wacky Crazy-Christ homophobe. My gay gland [...]

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I Haven’t Slaughtered Anyone Since March

June 3, 2001

Since March I have experienced a unique freedom and liberation. So many of us are trapped in a prison we fail to notice. It was only after I rid myself of the offending item in question that I fully understood my self-imposed imprisonment. You should sell your car too. Only in your post-automobile euphoria will [...]

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Somebody Should Stop the Hamburger Madness

May 28, 2001

“I’m… I’m…” the lady choked when she saw me standing there with my hand full of money and spattered blood stains drenched all over my shirt. “Geez, I’m… I’m…” Ready for another drink, it sounded like. “Don’t worry,” I dismissed. “It wasn’t your fault.” I forced the money onto her and made my escape. Well, [...]

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Self Realization Through Bowling

May 20, 2001

Greg hauled his well-defined body and distressingly well-chiseled jawline into the front seat of the car. We were now at capacity seating. ‘This is my boyfriend, Greg,’ Nadia salivated from the driver’s seat. I attempted to greet Greg, but my voice was rather muffled behind a sheepskin seat cover. Nadia, petite as she was, obviously [...]

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It Looks Like You’re Trying to Write a Song

May 13, 2001
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Choc-o-lethalé

May 13, 2001

Blocking any memory of my call centre jobs from my subconscious is something I’ve learnt is best for my mental health. Unfortunately, like painfully saccharin sweet TV dating game shows, these memories unwantedly bob to the surface and cause severe mental trauma. I’ve always admired the tact of call centre trainers who promise through gritted [...]

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Warning: Cleo Bachelor of the Year 2002 Spoiler Within Body of Text

May 8, 2001

Perhaps it’s a message from God that the world isn’t ready for something that sounds so beautifully cherubic in my head (in a heavy metal way) – my singing. Sure. Go ahead and dismiss it as a straining, clamourous atonal shouting, but I won’t take your opinion to heart. Oh no. I’ll only take your [...]

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