From the category archives:

Really old posts

Also, where does Mrs Muscle fit into this?

January 18, 2005

On TV just now: “Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate.” Such as what? Returning DVDs to Blockbuster? Cunnilingus? Going to work? Actually, I probably could send a bottle of Mr Muscle to work in my place, and nobody would notice.

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Cultural gaff

January 16, 2005

Adam and I trundled over to our local art gallery this weekend, after we noticed an interesting photography exhibition. (Y’know, I’m really not doing very well so far to maintain my hardcore metalhomo exterior, am I?) I’m not going to delve so far into homoblogging as to review the exhibition, but I will say that [...]

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Water and Oxygen Bars

June 6, 2004

Seeing as every man and his wheatgrass-shot-fuelled dog seems to be opening up juice bars, I figured there must be another way for people to happily fork over $8.50 to wait in a line for 20 minutes for a small cup of fruity flesh. Also bearing in mind that bottled water is a ridiculous scam… [...]

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Blood: Fountaining from my Gums in Joy

May 10, 2004

When I was a kid, I had a wire installed behind my front teeth to straighten them up a little. After leading a happy, dentally oblivious life for the past 10 years; the wire snapped behind my front teeth last week. Believing this was simply a piece of mangled meat caught behind in my wire [...]

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Things Adam hates about Melbourne

July 25, 2003

1. Skim coffee is called skinny coffee. 2. Nunchukas were outlawed in Victoria right before we moved here. Yet another chance to legally own his weapons flittering away into thin air. 3. He has trouble pronouncing local suburb names, but is thankfully arrogant enough to try and convince local Melbournites the way he says it [...]

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My new hobby

March 21, 2003

Wearing a gas mask in my own loungeroom and yelling back at Fox News presenters.

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Constipation

March 21, 2003

Work is a great heaving dry monster of a shit plugged far up my rectum, blocking Adam and I from moving to Melbourne and… doing cool stuff. My mind’s in Melbourne but the body’s still stuck here traipsing off to work at the usual ridiculous hours that a rotating roster likes to pummel me with. [...]

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Boobies for Jesus™

March 21, 2003

I’ve always been faintly amused by Christian groups earnestly conducting de-homo-ising workshops. They’re no less bizarre than gay Liberal voters, really. Which is why a random conversation between a particular Kiwi and I lead to the inception of Boobies for Jesus™. Not entirely unlike the World Vision model of sponsoring a needy child, Boobies for [...]

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Miss Helena didn’t know how right she was when she noted that “bouncing’s so much fun”

March 11, 2003

This weekend I was forced to face some confronting facts about the company I work for. As much as I’d wanted to believe otherwise, they really are just another corporate entity who don’t really give a shit about a lot of things unless they’re a revenue source. It’s also dawning on me that I should [...]

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No buck for you!

March 7, 2003

I realised with some trepidation yesterday that I’ll never have a loud, raucous buck’s night, seeing as I’m never going to get married. Y’know, that’s something I’d really like to do. Sure, Adam and I could skip, uh, gaily down the twee gay marriage path. The idea doesn’t really get me going, though. I’ve been [...]

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