From the category archives:

Retail nightmares

Can Everyone Please Stop Wearing Threadless T-Shirts Now?

May 18, 2010
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Ever found yourself at a party thinking “Wow, there’s way too much Threadless in here?” If you’re unfamiliar with Threadless, you’ve doubtlessly stuck to clothing purchases along the lines of a heshen sack in recent times. Threadless is an online clothing store which Twitter periodically vomits itself into euphoria over, usually whenever they hold some [...]

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Ken-Proofing Your Store: The Finest Security Test Money Can Buy

March 29, 2010
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My mate Ken isn’t the best shopping companion. Wherever we visit any shops together, he seems more set on how he can destroy the store, rather than actually acquiring any purchases. Now, though, it’s dawning on me: there’s actually money to be made here. He’d be the perfect security consultant on locking down new stores [...]

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JB Hi-Fi: Home of Australia’s Most Infuriating Music Store Staff?

March 23, 2010
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Here’s an example of how staff in a music store should help you: You: Hey there, I’m looking for the latest totally rad Bon Jovi box set. Staff member: Why certainly! Are you after the Japanese 8-album box set, the official “100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong” set, or the unofficial compilation box of [...]

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eBay: Where Every Seller Treats You like a Mentally Deficient Criminal

January 27, 2010
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My favourite thing about eBay is what sets it apart from other online retailers: the unique and immediate passive-aggression that follows any purchase. In your average eBay seller’s mind, you’re not just out to scam them: you’re out to scam them and use the proceeds to inject an infant with tuberculosis. Woe behold those who [...]

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Costcan’t

October 22, 2009

Although I’ve completely bagged Costco in the past, there’s been a growing sense that I need to visit their stupid new store and buy copious quantities of EVERYTHING THEY SELL. Why the sudden turnaround? It’s the same thing that happens when I don’t visit Ikea at least once a month. Or if I don’t quietly [...]

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Our Local Cursed Cafe

September 7, 2009

Our local cafe is suffering a curse from the retail gods. Like Pauline Hanson descending into battiness and railing against every form of mass media known to man, it’s an insurmountable struggle that somehow continues unfolding over time. I’m not entirely sure what the properietors of this particular cafe have done wrong to repeatedly find [...]

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Why I Won’t Be Visiting Costco Any Time Soon

August 17, 2009

Costco opened for business in Melbourne today, like a lumbering elephant galloping into the world of Aussie retail. As far as I can tell, the store chain has melded together a supermarket, K-Mart, jewellery store and undertakers (seriously – they sell coffins) then injected everything with steroids. It sounds impossible to buy anything in a [...]

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Where Have all the Bizarre Two-in-One Stores Gone?

July 3, 2009

If you grew up in the country, you’d be familiar with the concept of bizarre hybrid stores. In townships with smaller populations, you’d frequently find stores melding hardware with children’s toys, newsagents with chemists and other such strange combinations. To prevent a complete homogenisation of our urban shopping strips, I call for a re-institution of [...]

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Five Examples of Why You Should Complain to Companies About Bad Products

June 18, 2009

Update: I recently appeared on Channel 7′s The Morning Show to talk about this post. Watch me embarrass myself! You like free stuff, right? Then next time something goes wrong with something you’ve bought from the supermarket, I demand you let the manufacturer know. After a recent messy packaging explosion, I was so irked by [...]

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The Stupidest Retail Outlets in My End of the City

March 9, 2009

Hope everyone in Melbourne survived the minor earthquake on Friday night without any problems, and nobody was getting their genitals pierced or tattoos inked at the time. Just can’t help but fret that someone, somewhere, underwent a horrible body modification experience with unexpected earthquake-induced consequences… It’s a public holiday here today, so most of the [...]

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