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Accents

If You Ever Needed Any Further Evidence that America is Slightly Self-Absorbed

October 23, 2002

Disembodied phone voice: Thank you for calling E*Trade America’s international customer service hotline! Are you currently an E*Trade customer? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No. Jeb: Yes. (dramatic pause) Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No. Jeb: YES. Disembodied phone [...]

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Do You Have Something Against Prostitutes?

March 11, 2001

The morning after the Mardi Gras parade, I made a concerted effort to peel myself away from the comfort of a warm bed at 6am and crawl down to Oxford Street, to take a look at the wasteland of a party and resultant scruffy denizens. Certain regions of the street were near inapproachable due to [...]

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My Favourite Hippy Girls In All The World

February 23, 2001

I was supposed to have a job interview today for what is quite possibly the only job I’m genuinely interested in, out of what’s been offered to me. Most of the stuff I’ve had interviews for aren’t particularly interesting, but I’d be happy in them. The interview was for a executive assistant position. This is [...]

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I Will Have a Half Bint, Thanks

March 9, 2000

I was on my way to work yesterday morning, driving up the highway, when suddenly the traffic slowed to a 30 kph crawl, in a 70 zone. It seemed everyone was craning their necks out of their car windows at something on the left side of the highway. Then it dawned on me. The Torquay [...]

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