Posts tagged as:

Adam

The Myth of Wez

March 13, 2000

There’s nothing better than having arguments in chatrooms with people. The other night I was arguing with this strange character known as ScientologyBoy (age 18). Now, I’ve got nothing against (most) religions, as long as they don’t push their beliefs on me. I think religious beliefs are like genitals – you should only show them [...]

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“Because I’m Bad, I’m Bad, I Play Bingo, I’m Bad…”

March 11, 2000

I think I outdid myself yesterday at work. I reached into my backpack to get a pen, and stuck it behind my ear. Well, I was about to stick it behind my ear, when I realised I’d pulled out a toothbrush instead of a pen. I don’t even know what the hell a toothbrush was [...]

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Did You Also Get the Betamax Injection?

March 10, 2000

There’s only a week left until I finish my current job. One of the girls who sits in my cubicle pod at work wanted to organise for us all to go to the pub next Friday for a farewell piss-up, but everyone’s lunches are on at different times. So now one of the women are [...]

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No Transsexual Prostitutes? I Refuse to Watch!

March 7, 2000

I spent the weekend in Sydney with Adam… only a few weeks to go until I move up there for good. Saturday morning: Waiter at a hotel I was at: So, are you going to the Mardi Gras tonight? Me: No. Sunday morning: Shop assistant: Did you go to the Mardi Gras last night? Me: [...]

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I’d Shoot Myself if My Banana Went Black, Too

March 3, 2000

Yes, I got a haircut. Anyone who makes comments like ‘Vanilla Ice lives!’ in the guestbook will get beaten up. The new Torquay McDonalds opens next week. It’s going to be such a laugh, half of Torquay is for it and half is against it, so there’s going to be demonstrations and everything out the [...]

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Screw this Raping and Pillaging, I’m Going Home to do the Gentle Touch Crossword

March 1, 2000

Big changes are ahead for me. I’m quitting my job to move in with my new man in Sydney, Adam. This’ll all happen in around the middle of March. This will prove very interesting as I know as much about Sydney as I do about the clitoris. (Damn you, homosexuality!) I might have to get [...]

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Dynamic Crap Device

February 8, 2000

Yep, I’m back from Sydney. (Did you know on airplanes, when the oxygen masks drop down, that there’s a little oxygen mask that drops down in the toilet too? How cute is that? See, I do pay attention to the air stewards when they tell you all the safety procedures at the start of the [...]

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If You Drink Eat Cake and Drive, You’re a Bloody Idiot

February 2, 2000

The jokes about my sunburn continue. I’m going to Sydney this weekend to meet Adam for the first time, but today he said to me on the phone: Adam: I’ll know how to find you at the airport. Me: How? Adam: You’ll be the only glow-in-the-dark person in the terminal. The Rock, however, couldn’t make [...]

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Oui! Oui, L’coh, Oui!

January 25, 2000

Today I got a phone call from a consumer survey group who I’ve signed up with. I normally hate people ringing me up for surveys, but sometimes these people call me into their offices to do surveys – and I get paid $40 for each survey so I think that’s pretty fair. So far I’ve [...]

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Mwaaaaagh!

January 17, 2000

Every morning at approximately 6.15am in this house I hear this noise coming from my shower… “Mwaaaaaaaaaaaagh!” Every morning I’m woken up by Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. I knew it was of human origin but it was quite a challenge coming to some sort of conclusion as to which orifice it originated from. This morning when I heard [...]

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