Posts tagged as:

Animals

A Warning to Schweppes

August 7, 2005

Just when I’m happily taking my time on a leisurely, ambling Sunday afternoon walk, I hear this awful noise from behind a fence: a cat retching its guts out. Upon noticing my presence, it puts the regurgitation on pause, and angrily stumbles in front of me, glares intensely, then vomits profusely. It’s one thing to [...]

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Bird of Rage

November 13, 2000

‘Hello? HELLO!’ the insane Italian woman rapped on our door. When we didn’t answer because we’re so scared of her, she moved on to all the other units in our building. Not one person dared answer their door. This is the insane woman who tried to enter Adam and my unit without my permission, as [...]

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I’ll Be a Ghost

May 1, 2000

Yes, I’m sure Sega’s latest videogame console will follow the MINDBLOWING SUCCESS of all their previous consoles. Then again, even Nintendo has been known to have their hits and misses – does anyone remember the Virtual Boy? It was a shoulder-mounted headset that had rather shite black-and-white vision you squinted at through a set of [...]

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Hairless Rabbits

June 2, 1999

I have now come to the conclusion that all of the employees at my local service station earn commission every time they finish a sentence with a gravelly, drawn out “Maaaaaate”. (ie, every single sentence). Although Ms Superiority, resident bitch at work, can be cruel and heartless, I do like her sometimes. She shares my [...]

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