Posts tagged as:

Drunkeness

The Science of Vomiting

January 23, 2005

Never let it be said that I’m not protected when I go out at night. Even when I was living in the depths of Redfern, as long as Adam was near me, I knew I’d be fine in the company of someone who knows…. well, I’ve lost count of how many martial arts. This is [...]

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Most Embarrassing Incident in Professional Career to Date: Candidate #1

August 19, 2002

Scene: The foyer area of Jeb’s work. All staff have left for drinks at the local hotel. Jeb enters stage right and Respected Office Worker enters stage left, simultaneously. Respected Office Worker: Oh! I thought everyone had gone out for drinks. Jeb: (stumbles through drunken haze) I just went. Worker: Ah. But now you’re here. [...]

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Terrified Urination

May 13, 2002

‘Just going to the toilet,’ I nodded to Adam and Jack; and stumbled haphazardly towards the general direction of the toilets. We’d been guzzling some beers on a warm afternoon, and had taken the brave step of selecting one of the gayest bars in Sydney as the location to do so. The only problem with [...]

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Googly-Booglies

April 8, 2002

Adam and I are battling to raise the funds for a move out of this suburb. We’re sure we can find somewhere which is close to the city, yet doesn’t generate that slightly nagging feeling whenever we pay the rent that in one year we’ve paid enough money to finance several cosmetic surgery operations. Well… [...]

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A Christmas Story Which I Procrastinated Finishing Until After Christmas

December 30, 2001

Since my parents learnt that Adam was more than a flatmate and I was more than a sad individual leading a futile girl-less life, he’s been embraced wholeheartedly as part of the family. Christmas and birthday presents are now flung enthusiastically his way each year, with increasingly larger and more expensive items being mailed to [...]

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Flattering Abuse

September 4, 2001

‘Sushi or pizza?’ I demanded of Adam, as we retraced our steps back home after a visit to the liquor store. ‘Yes,’ hiccuped Adam. ‘No,’ I patiently explained. ‘Which one?’ ‘Sushipizza,’ he slurred. ‘Look, we’re closer to the Pizza Hut store.. Let’s just go there,’ I directed, as we ambled towards the small takeaway outlet. [...]

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Plane Crash in Africa

October 2, 2000

Amber: Hello, I’m Amber! Me: Hi. Amber: I’m going to be your waitress todayyyy! (trills) Big Mo: (grimacing) Ugh. Okay. Amber: I just moved up to Sydney, you know! And stuff! Me: From the USA? Amber: YEAHHHH! (giggles) Big Mo: Did you waitress over there too? Amber: Why YES! Me: Cool. Amber: I used to [...]

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Technicolour Yawn, Indeed

June 5, 1999

Foolproof Ways to Make Yourself Look Like A Dickhead #5812: Get drunk at a friend’s place, then spew all over their carpet, but catch most of it in your hands. As demonstrated by me at around 10.00pm last night. (Actually, that’s got to be the first time I’ve spewed and it didn’t look like it [...]

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