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Movies

Short Film of the Year 2001: ‘This is an Outrage’

February 26, 2001

Tropfest was held here last night. If you’re unfamiliar with the unusual offensive smells that haunt the lower regions of Elizabeth Street in Sydney, chances are you’re not familiar enough with the city to have heard of Tropfest. It’s held annually in the Domain – a big moshpit which masquarades as a botannical garden by [...]

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A is for Alcoholic

July 25, 2000

Jen’s last day at work was on Friday. However, she hadn’t turned up most of last week because she was sick. Genuinely sick. This doesn’t tend to look good in your last week of your job. When she arrived on Friday morning, she was basically escorted off the premises because my boss thought she was [...]

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How to Stuff Up a Potential Relationship with a Really Good Looking Woman (Even Though You’re Gay) Over Italian Beef Soup

June 20, 2000

Adam: Hmm, I really feel like some Japanese soup. Me: Since when did you like Japanese food? Adam: I had Japanese for lunch the other day. Me: Ah. So now you like it, eh? Adam: I have Japanese ancestry, you know. Me: Oh, that’s a good one. Adam: I’m serious. Me: You’re the most unoriental [...]

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Battered Turd Syndrome

June 15, 2000

Date: Tue, 13 Jun 2000 10:48:23PM (GMT +10:00) Subject: The Colonel To: webmaster@kfc.com Hi. In Australia, I notice you sell a burger named ‘The Colonel’s Choice Chicken Fillet Burger’. How can the Colonel personally choose what chicken he uses when he’s dead? Is there’s something you’re not telling us all? Er… there WAS only one [...]

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The Clan of the White Hand

June 4, 2000

Contemporary art: what a load of toss. There was a contemporary art festival here in Sydney for the past few weeks, with the Grand High Priest of Contemporary Nuttiness herself – Yoko Ono – spearheading the whole shebang. I don’t understand contemporary art at all, and I don’t think most people do either. As far [...]

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Divorce Night: No Free List

December 4, 1999

My Illness Update: It’s getting to that stage where I know I’m almost better, but if I go out or something I’ll probably have a complete relapse. I want to go and see the new Toy Story movie but I’ll look pretty dumb if I run out of a screening of Toy Story because I [...]

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The New Wave of Icy Pole Flavours

December 1, 1999

Wouldn’t you know it, right in the middle of this hot weather, our fridge starts playing up. Everything has gone frozen in the fridge, and let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like the novelty of frozen processed cheese. I’m still an eensy bit sick still, I’m mainly just running a temperature. I went to [...]

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