Posts tagged as:

Olympics

When General Waste Attacks

September 27, 2000

You don’t feel cold during chilly weather if you think about it properly. The key is – think of the weather as crisp, brisk or refreshing; rather than miserable or wet. This is what I was thinking right before the garbage bin hit my head. I was walking to the train station and a garbage [...]

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My Life Without Handball

September 19, 2000

Listen very carefully! Do you hear that faint, muffled, whimpering sound? It’s poor old Tina Arena. See, she thought she could resurrect her career with this whole Opening Ceremony thing, but no. Sorry, Tina. Not even the Japanese bought it this time. The images of you jumping around in a bosomy dress shouting ‘I Want [...]

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Welcome to Horse Crap City

September 17, 2000

The Sydney public transport system seems to be surviving the Olympics fine. I guess Sydney residents were secretly hoping things would majorly stuff up, and then the world would see how bad our train system is – thus forcing the government to upgrade it sufficiently. However, there is a reason why things are running well. [...]

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Some Sort of Dodgy Fish Metaphor

August 28, 2000

The last thing I ever heard the DJ Accountant say was ‘BLSSSSSSHHHH’, the last thing I ever heard Know-It-All-Paul say was ‘VIRUSES!’, and the last thing I ever heard Parappa the Rapper say was ‘I wish I could rip his spine out and use it as a weapon’. It was my last day at work [...]

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BEDLAM!

August 17, 2000

I have this thing for goatees. I find ugly men suddenly turn incredibly good looking with a goatee. Even that doctored picture that was floating around the net a few years ago of the Spice Girls with goatees was remotely attractive. Jack from Dispatch at my work (remember? he has a head shaped like a [...]

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Is Your Communist Electrical Friend Home?

July 16, 2000

So how did most of Australia’s highest-ranking politicians celebrate Federation Day, marking 100 years of Australian federation? By leaving the country. On Thursday morning, I was in a whirlwind trying to get ready for work and still catch the train on time. I was trying to inhale two pieces of toast whole, when I heard [...]

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Mystery Black Spot

June 10, 2000

KFC – it’s not bad, every now and then. Golden chickeny goodness, with… actually, chicken isn’t naturally golden, is it? Hmm. KFC are always spouting on about their secret herbs and spices – the colonel’s secret recipe and all that. Well, I reckon our local KFC store has lost the secret recipe because all their [...]

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This Food Tastes Like Armpit

May 8, 2000

From Tuesday to Friday last week I did temp work at a pretty interesting company. I really enjoyed it – the company treats its employees VERY well. I had a little trouble finding the company, which had two entrances to their building. I entered one entrance, hoping I’d picked the right one. Me: Hi, I’m [...]

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The Urinating Hamburger

April 24, 2000

Today’s entry is brought to you by… Yes, Sanitarium, the company responsible for hundreds of products that all taste like vomit. (Ever tried Up & Go Breakfast Drink?) And what about that So Good soy drink? Let me tell you, I think it should be called No Good. Sadly, the search for full-time work is [...]

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Also Coming Up on Sports Tonight: All the Latest Results from the Combined Jiu-Jitsu/Snooker National Championships

February 10, 2000

Ms. J is an avid reader of the Geelong Advertiser, Geelong’s local newspaper. It’s not tabloid-y enough for me which is probably why I don’t read it. I’m sure most of you at one time or another (for varying reasons) took a look through the phone sex ads in the classified ads section of a [...]

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