Posts tagged as:

Phone Calls

Australia’s Next Top Lesbian, Mortal Kleaning, and Other Unrealised Game Ideas

May 14, 2009

What ho! This past week I’ve had a visiting interstate friend to entertain. My buddy was a fine house guest, and even spent the better part of 30 minutes running after a rogue mouse we’ve been trying to entrap for weeks. Any boarder who arrives with rodent eradication skills is welcome in Chez Jeb! Any [...]

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If You Ever Needed Any Further Evidence that America is Slightly Self-Absorbed

October 23, 2002

Disembodied phone voice: Thank you for calling E*Trade America’s international customer service hotline! Are you currently an E*Trade customer? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No. Jeb: Yes. (dramatic pause) Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No. Jeb: YES. Disembodied phone [...]

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Secret Ingredient of Your Meatlovers Pizza

October 17, 2001

My dear old workmate Kazza, she who was always proud to announce to all members of company staff which colour knickers she was wearing on any particular day, dropped in for a fleeting visit last week. Upon entering our living room, she swiftly sunk herself into the couch. ‘I’m pooped,’ she sighed. ‘I was doing [...]

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Get Your Hands off My Goncalves

July 16, 2001

So as it turns out, my fourth job in Sydney ends up being another dot com job, contrary to what I was expecting. I don’t think I’ll get laid off again any time soon, but if I do I’m off dot com jobs for good. An interview for this job was organised almost by accident. [...]

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Lateral Potatoes

October 10, 2000

After my drunken weekend shenanigans, I decided to tell my mates at work about the Throwing Up In A Garbage Bin incident, but to modify it slightly. I decided I’d make it sound like I was genuinely sick, and that I was sick at Central train station instead of in the city itself. Big Mo: [...]

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Team Blonding Session

September 1, 2000

Me (on phone to my mum): It’s exactly the friggin’ same! My mum: No it’s not! Sport is stronger! Me: Why WOULDN’T they make them all the same strength? My mum: I don’t know. It’s their marketing! Me: Oh, look. I’m walking into the bathroom right now. I’m checking my deodorant. My mum: It won’t [...]

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Legacy of Crap

July 2, 2000

Train timetables are a great thing. They’re even better if the train drivers have seen them too, although I guess timetables are a new concept to most Sydney train drivers. Every day I get to work on time just by the skin of my teeth (yes, I have a rare condition which results in skin [...]

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The Automovehicle

June 24, 2000

At work on Wednesday: Mr Marketing: Parappa, just to make sure you know, you’re not allowed to smoke outside this building, okay? Parappa the Rapper: Well, I don’t smoke anyway, but why is that? Mr Marketing: Apparently the boss thinks it’s a bad image for our company. Jen: I heard he fired someone on the [...]

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How to Stuff Up a Potential Relationship with a Really Good Looking Woman (Even Though You’re Gay) Over Italian Beef Soup

June 20, 2000

Adam: Hmm, I really feel like some Japanese soup. Me: Since when did you like Japanese food? Adam: I had Japanese for lunch the other day. Me: Ah. So now you like it, eh? Adam: I have Japanese ancestry, you know. Me: Oh, that’s a good one. Adam: I’m serious. Me: You’re the most unoriental [...]

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This Food Tastes Like Armpit

May 8, 2000

From Tuesday to Friday last week I did temp work at a pretty interesting company. I really enjoyed it – the company treats its employees VERY well. I had a little trouble finding the company, which had two entrances to their building. I entered one entrance, hoping I’d picked the right one. Me: Hi, I’m [...]

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