Posts tagged as:

Porn

I Applaud Your Errors!

April 10, 2005

Occasionally, Foxtel will unlock some of their channels – usually the movie channels – as a special promotion over a weekend. Since last night, we noticed that the movie channels are currently free to view (we don’t normally subscribe to them). The odd thing was, I couldn’t find any scrap of information about a Foxtel [...]

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Diet Pornography

October 21, 2002

I bump and grind and oil myself up. My eyebrow may rise suggestively, but my genitalia does not. Frantically, I make exaggerated faux-masturbation motions behind an extremely frosted shower door. I may dry hump someone like two drunken high school students, but still manage to cop a dose of what seems to be incurable impotence. [...]

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Tokyo Has Gone Banana Crazy Mad!

November 7, 2000

Today’s entry is brought to you by: Just when you thought we provided every good or service known to man… you were WRONG! ***** The humidity in Sydney this time of year causes intermittent rain. Sydney’s rain in humid weather doesn’t pour down – it kinda leaks like a weeping sore. There was apparently some [...]

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Small Talker

September 11, 2000

I still don’t bloody know if I’ve got my job or not yet. I was promised by the job agency that they would let me know last week, and ‘if they hadn’t called by end of Friday, ring us back’. I rang on Friday afternoon only to be told that the guy handling my application [...]

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Things That Go BzzBANG in the Night

July 6, 2000

This is a ring of Adam’s, featuring the ‘A’ symbol for anarchy. Adam bought it some years ago because he thought it was a cool ring. He also bought it unaware that it was the symbol for anarchy. He just thought it was the letter A… as in A for Adam. So it became the [...]

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Battered Turd Syndrome

June 15, 2000

Date: Tue, 13 Jun 2000 10:48:23PM (GMT +10:00) Subject: The Colonel To: webmaster@kfc.com Hi. In Australia, I notice you sell a burger named ‘The Colonel’s Choice Chicken Fillet Burger’. How can the Colonel personally choose what chicken he uses when he’s dead? Is there’s something you’re not telling us all? Er… there WAS only one [...]

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If You Drink Eat Cake and Drive, You’re a Bloody Idiot

February 2, 2000

The jokes about my sunburn continue. I’m going to Sydney this weekend to meet Adam for the first time, but today he said to me on the phone: Adam: I’ll know how to find you at the airport. Me: How? Adam: You’ll be the only glow-in-the-dark person in the terminal. The Rock, however, couldn’t make [...]

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The Big Burn Out

February 1, 2000

What’s worse than having a bright red sunburnt face? Having a bright red sunburnt face with bright red bags under your eyes. Yes, I got sunburnt at the Big Day Out on Sunday. I don’t even know how because I put a fair bit of sunscreen on. I went with some mates of mine – [...]

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Oui! Oui, L’coh, Oui!

January 25, 2000

Today I got a phone call from a consumer survey group who I’ve signed up with. I normally hate people ringing me up for surveys, but sometimes these people call me into their offices to do surveys – and I get paid $40 for each survey so I think that’s pretty fair. So far I’ve [...]

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